How Long Should The Talking Stage Last B4 You Get Past?👫

How Long Should the Talking Stage Last Before Becoming Exclusive?

The “talking stage” - that ambiguous phase when two people are feeling out a potential romantic interest before making things official - has become increasingly common. But how long should you stay in the talking stage before deciding to take the next step and become exclusive? Here's a look at what experts and people navigating modern dating have to say.

What Does a Long Talking Stage Mean?

A long talking stage typically means that two people have been consistently communicating and spending time together for a prolonged period, but have not defined the relationship or committed to exclusivity. This creates a gray area where the direction and goal of the "situationship" is unclear.

For older generations, this extended talking phase is seen as unusual, since traditional courtship moved faster towards establishing exclusivity. But for Millennial and Gen Z daters, it's par for the course in the modern swipe-right dating scene.

The talking stage may involve frequently texting, calling, going on dates, or hooking up without placing labels or boundaries around the association. This allows both individuals to keep their options open as they evaluate compatibility and long-term potential.

How Long is Too Long in a Talking Stage?

There's no definitive rule for how long is too long to stay interacting in the talking phase. Some couples mutually hit it off and agree to be exclusive after a few amazing dates, while others remain in relationship purgatory for months or even years.

Here are some signs it may be time to have "the talk" and re-evaluate the situation:

1. Timing in Talking Phase: There's no exact timeframe, but if you've been consistently talking and spending time together for more than 3 months with no progress, it might be time to reconsider.
   
2. Stuck in Repeat: If your connection feels like it's going around in circles without moving forward, that's a sign to have a serious conversation about where things are headed.
   
3. Previous Discussions: If you've already tried to define the relationship in the past, and nothing changed, it's a signal that you need to address the issue again.
   
4. Waning Interest: If your enthusiasm or interest in the potential partner is fading, it's essential to take a step back and evaluate whether you both want the same things.
   
5. Unmet Expectations: If you desire more intimacy, commitment, or have expectations that aren't being fulfilled, it's time to communicate those desires openly.
   
6. Confusion and Distance: An open-ended situation can lead to confusion, mistrust, or emotional distance. When these feelings start to creep in, it's a clear indicator that it's time to have "the talk" and clarify your relationship status.
   

What is a Normal Talking Stage Timeline?

Again, there are no hard rules around dating timelines. But here's a general sense of what may be considered typical talking stage durations:

• Early 20s: 1 to 4 months talking before exclusivity
• Late 20s+: 4 to 6 weeks talking before exclusivity
• 30s and beyond: 2 to 4 weeks talking before exclusivity

As people age and gain more self-awareness around who and what works for them in relationships, the talking phase tends to become shorter. But the most important factors are how you feel about the pace and whether it aligns with your needs.

How Often Should You See Each Other?

During the talking phase, a typical frequency is seeing each other 1 to 3 times a week. This provides enough in-person time to keep building intimacy and assessing compatibility without overcommitting.

Try setting up a recurring date night to look forward to, while also staying open to spontaneous meetups when your schedules allow. Just be wary of only texting or relying on last-minute plans, which can reflect lack of interest or commitment.

The 3 Month Date Rule

The “3 month rule” states that you should know whether the relationship has long-term potential after dating someone consistently for 3 months. The thinking is that 3 months offers enough time to properly get to know someone beyond an initial surface-level connection.

While the 3 month timeframe is a common benchmark, paying attention to your own intuition is ultimately what matters. Don’t ignore red flags or draining “situationships” past the point of value just because of an arbitrary timeline.

Don’t Waste Time on Undefined Relationships

Staying too long in the talking phase can prevent you from finding the right person and the relationship dynamic you want. Know when it's time to have an open and honest dialogue about taking the next step or letting go.

You deserve a mutually fulfilling relationship built on clear communication, vulnerability, trust, and commitment. The talking phase should be a stepping stone, not a holding pattern. So don't be afraid to initiate conversations defining where you stand and where it's going.

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Tips for Navigating the Talking Stage

Here are some pointers to help you effectively navigate the talking stage:

• Communicate: Don't assume you're on the same page. Ask thoughtful questions and share your authentic thoughts to understand each other's expectations.
• Balance investment: Try not to overinvest emotionally or physically until you're sure of mutual interest in something more serious.
• Reflect on needs: Check in with yourself about what you want and whether those needs are being met.
• Observe consistency: Notice if their effort, availability, and interest remains consistent or fades after an initial "honeymoon" period.
• Trust actions: Don't get caught up in empty words if behavior doesn't match. Let consistency and follow-through reveal intentions.
• Evaluate multiple prospects: Getting to know several potential partners can help provide contrast on who you click with.
• Limit dwelling: Try to avoid fixating on one person or idealizing them before truly knowing them. Stay active and socialize with friends too.
• Embrace uncertainty: The early dating stage always involves some risk and unknowns. But that’s how you learn if someone is the right fit.

When to Become Exclusive

There's no perfect formula, but some signs indicating it may be time to shift from the talking stage to an exclusive relationship include:

1. Know Each Other Deeply: Before becoming exclusive, make sure you've really gotten to know each other beyond just the surface stuff. It's about understanding each other's thoughts, feelings, and quirks.
   
2. Shared Values and Goals: Ensure you both have similar core values and life goals that align. It's essential to see if your future plans match up.
   
3. Open and Respectful Communication: Talk openly and honestly with each other. Even when you have disagreements, treat each other with respect and kindness.
   
4. Feeling Valued: Make sure you both feel appreciated and understood in the relationship. Feeling valued is crucial for a healthy connection.
   
5. Accepting Flaws: Be aware of each other's imperfections and accept them. Nobody is perfect, and it's okay to have flaws.
   
6. Enjoying Each Other's Company: If you genuinely enjoy being together and eagerly anticipate spending time with each other, that's a good sign that exclusivity could be on the horizon.
   
7. Trust and Security: Trust is vital in any relationship. Feeling emotionally safe and secure with each other is a strong indicator of readiness for exclusivity.
   
8. Meeting Friends and Family: Introducing each other to friends and, perhaps, family members suggests a willingness to integrate your lives and a desire for a deeper connection.
   
9. Future Plans Together: If you both envision a future where you're part of each other's lives and plans, it's a clear sign that you're ready to take the relationship to the next level.
   

When you both feel aligned and ready to commit, have an honest dialogue about taking the next step. Exclusivity allows your bond to deepen with the safety of defined boundaries. But don’t rush into it until you’ve taken time to thoughtfully get to know this person.

The talking stage plays an important role in allowing space for that discovery process. Ultimately trust your own judgement. Let the pace of progress feel natural, while ensuring your needs are met. With open communication and willingness to be vulnerable, you'll navigate the early stages of dating successfully.