NYT 36 Questions to Fall in Love - Do They 💖 Work?

What Are Arthur Aron's Famous 36 Questions?

The 36 questions to fall in love have become a viral phenomenon since they were originally published in the New York Times Modern Love column in 2015. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed these 36 questions that lead to intimacy as part of a study to see if two strangers can fall in love through a methodical series of self-disclosures.

The idea behind Aron's 36 questions is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness and trust between two people. The questions gradually escalate in their intensity and intimacy, taking the participants from small talk to sharing deep secrets and desires.

Examples of some of the 36 questions include:

• Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
• What is your most treasured memory?
• If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The questions culminate with asking the partner to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes in silence.

Does The 36 Questions Method Really Lead To Love?

In 2015, New York Times Modern Love columnist Mandy Len Catron decided to test out Aron's 36 questions on a university acquaintance when they were at a bar. After exchanging intimate details and desires for 2-3 hours, they ended up kissing at the end of the 36 questions experiment.

Catron recounted her experience trying the questions in the popular Modern Love essay titled "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This." She described feeling an unexpected closeness and intimacy between her and her partner after answering the 36 questions that lead to love. They went on several dates afterwards but did not end up forming a long-term romantic relationship.

The viral essay sparked interest around whether two strangers could fall in love simply by asking and answering this series of 36 increasingly personal questions. Some couples have tried the 36 questions date idea and anecdotally reported feeling greater intimacy. However, there is limited scientific evidence that Aron's 36 questions can make two people fall sustainably in love on their own. The questions can break the ice and build connection but do not magically create long-term compatibility.

The Science And Psychology Behind The 36 Questions

The 36 questions to fall in love were created in 1997 by psychologist Arthur Aron as part of a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin titled “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness.” Aron designed them to see if closeness between strangers could be accelerated with reciprocal self-disclosure.

In Aron's study, participants were split into pairs and took turns asking each other his 36 questions, looking into each other's eyes for four minutes in between. The researchers found that participants did feel closer to their partners after the exchange. Aron's 36 specific questions helped foster intimacy by prompting participants to reveal intimate details about themselves while also learning more about the other's inner life.

However, Aron's original study did not lead the participants to actually fall romantically in love. The 36 questions helped create temporary feelings of closeness and simulating the patterns associated with developing a close relationship. The intense self-disclosure can escalate reciprocal vulnerability between the two people, but it may not be enough to build a sustained romantic bond on its own.

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Tips For Trying The 36 Questions On A Date Or With Your Partner

If you want to try asking the famous 36 questions with someone you want to get closer to, here are some tips:

• Pick someone you have some existing rapport with rather than a complete stranger for the best results.
• Set aside 1-2 hours of focused time in a comfortable setting without distractions.
• Take turns asking one question at a time and really listen and engage with each other's responses.
• Be open and honest in your answers to get the most out of the experience.
• Maintain eye contact when doing the 4 minute staring exercise.
• Grab some wine to help set the mood.
• Don't force intimacy if it isn't naturally developing. Let conversations flow organically.
• Consider pairing the questions with other relationship-building activities.

The 36 questions can be a helpful tool to spark deeper conversations and intimacy with your partner or someone you are dating. While they may not instantly make two people fall sustainably in love, they can help break down walls and promote understanding. When combined with other important factors like mutual attraction, shared values and compatibility, Aron's questions can foster the vulnerability that is the basis for strong romantic connections to develop over time.

Conclusion

The famous 36 questions that lead to love originated from Arthur Aron's 1997 study determining whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated through reciprocal self-disclosure. While the 36 questions can accelerate closeness between two people by prompting increasingly intimate mutual revelations, they may not be enough on their own to make two people fall sustainably in love without other critical factors. However, trying the questions can be an interesting experiment and learning experience, potentially revealing new insights even between established partners. When used thoughtfully, Aron's 36 questions provide a framework to explore meaningful topics and forge greater intimacy between two willing participants.

In the final paragraph, discuss your perspective on the effectiveness of Aron's 36 questions and key factors that contribute to developing intimate relationships beyond the questions.

Some key points to touch on:

• Your thoughts on if the questions can create love between strangers
• Importance of mutual attraction, shared values/compatibility
• Role of vulnerability, self-disclosure in relationships
• Other key factors necessary for intimate bonds beyond questions
• Ways the questions could be meaningful even if not creating love
• Your overall view of the effectiveness of the questions

Try to provide a balanced perspective on the potential value as well as limitations of the 36 questions exercise.