When starting a new relationship, questions may arise around whether to keep or get rid of gifts and photos of an ex. This can be a complicated issue with reasonable arguments on both sides. It often depends on the nature of the past relationship, the emotions involved, and the outlook of each partner.
Some argue that keeping photos of an ex is never a good idea. Spread out and forget. The photos can conjure up old feelings and serve as an unhealthy reminder of the past. Seeing an ex’s picture may make a new partner feel insecure, jealous or disrespected. For them, deleting the photos can represent mentally moving on and focusing wholeheartedly on the present relationship.
Keeping old photos could suggest one is not fully over their ex. It may seem like lingering attachment. A new flame may view retained pictures of an ex as a sign their new partner is still holding a torch. This can undermine trust and intimacy.
From this view, removing all traces of an ex reinforces commitment to a new relationship. It signals the past is truly in the past. Keeping photos raises questions - does their ex still hold emotional power over them? Do they still harbor feelings for their ex? Are they really ready to move forward? Deleting the photos may seem like an essential step in embracing a new future.
On the other hand, some contend that photos capture memories, both good and bad. Just because a relationship ends, does not mean it lacked significance. Provided the ex photos are not pined over or displayed, some believe they can be respectfully retained as part of one's history.
Relationships represent learning experiences, and memories have value. Deleting all evidence of a meaningful time may seem like bitter, dramatic erasing of the past. As long as the photos are kept private and refrained from wistful browsing, they need not impede moving on.
From this view, retaining neutral photos does not imply lingering attachment. They simply recognize the past shaped you. Relationships, even fleeting or troubled ones, influence personal growth. Deleting all photos may exaggerate the meaning of an ex. Keeping some modest reminders of the fullness of one’s life need not detract from a current relationship.
One can treasure the present while still acknowledging the past. Just as fondly recalling childhood and adolescent milestones does not preclude embracing adulthood. With maturity and proper boundaries, parts of the past can be integrated into the present.
From this view, retaining neutral photos does not imply lingering attachment
When deciding what to do with ex pics, consider the importance of the past relationship, your residual emotions around it, and your new partner’s perspective. Did it end amicably or bitterly? Do the photos evoke mostly positive nostalgia or pain? Are you able to view them objectively?
Discuss the dilemma openly with your new partner to understand each other’s viewpoints. A new flame may reasonably feel uncomfortable with old photos being retained. Listen to understand their concerns.
Explain your feelings without defensiveness. Why do you lean towards keeping them? What value do they hold? Can you compromise by only keeping certain photos? Jointly decide guidelines like keeping pictures private or saving them for a limited time until the new relationship feels more secure.
Ultimately, retaining ex photos should not interfere with fully investing in a new relationship. If they are causing tension, painful reminiscing, or unhealthy comparisons, it may be healthiest to remove them. But this does not require bitterly deleting every photo in haste. Gradual, mindful removal can prevent exaggerating meaning into an ex.
Some relationship therapists advise keeping a few non-romantic photos as a reminder that all experiences represent learning. But intimate or romantic photos should be removed out of respect for a new partner. Remaining neutral, non-emotional photos can represent accepting the past’s role in shaping you.
There are merits to both arguments for keeping and deleting ex photos. The key is making the decision mindfully, not rashly reacting. Removing photos should not be a dramatic display of lingering attachment. And keeping them should not signal an inability to move forward.
With care, compromise and communication, partners can agree on what feels right for their unique relationship. Set guidelines to prevent spending excessive mental energy on exes. Stay focused on nurturing your emerging bond.
If any mementos of the past, like photos, starts to feel like an impediment, have an open discussion. Explain your feelings and be receptive to your partner’s perspective. With mutual respect and understanding, make joint decisions on what is healthiest for leaving the past in the past while still cherishing good memories.
Aim to integrate the past into the present in a holistic, neutral way. This allows healthy closure and focusing energy on the building healthy relationship with your new boyfriend or girlfriend. But take gradual steps to avoid inflaming emotions around exes. With time, proper boundaries and strengthening intimacy, old relics naturally hold less importance.
With time, proper boundaries and strengthening intimacy, old relics naturally hold less importance
The path forward may involve compromise. Perhaps some photos can be saved privately or revisited later when more trust is built. Relationships are a continual journey. Practice compassion, patience and open communication at each phase.
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