Are we 💑dating the same guy? Inside the 👥 groups causing a stir🚨

What is an "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Group?

"Are we dating the same guy?" (AWDTSG) groups are private Facebook groups where women post about their dating experiences to find out if others have dated the same man. These groups have exploded in popularity recently, with over 300,000 members across major cities in the US, UK, Canada and Australia.

The typical post includes screenshots from dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, along with a first name or sparse details about a date. Group members can then comment if they've had experiences with that guy. The goal is to crowdsource information and warn others about potential cheaters, ghosters or bad dates.

How AWDTSG Groups Work

• Women post screenshots, photos or brief descriptions about men they've met on apps. Photos usually have faces blurred or covered.
• Group members who've dated the same guy can then reply with their experiences, "spilling the tea" on what he was like.
• Some groups have strict rules against posting last names or overtly identifying information. Others are more lax.
• Most operate as closed groups, requiring admin approval to join. Some boast 44,000+ members.

The Good: Female Bonding and Protection

Defenders of AWDTSG groups say they help women protect each other in the murky modern dating world.

Meeting romantic prospects online comes with risks. These groups aim to expose serial cheaters, married men masquerading as singles, and potentially dangerous dates. Members post about men aggressively pursuing commitment too soon, giving stalker vibes or refusing to take "no" for an answer.

By crowdsourcing experiences, women hope to flag potential red flags with new dates. Members can vouch for a guy, or share similar creepy stories. Either way, women feel less alone.

In a time where dating violence impacts 1 in 3 women, AWDTSG groups offer a digital whisper network. Women bond over dodging unsafe situations and disappointing behavior from men.

The Bad: Toxicity and Harassment

Critics argue these groups enable toxic gossip and even harassment:

• Accuracy concerns: Anonymous posts could be exaggerated, misleading or falsified by bitter exes. Even well-meaning members might misremember details.
• Toxic culture: Petty complaints and excessive guy-bashing create an echo chamber. Some posts call out mundane behaviors like postponing dates, rather than serious red flags.
• Privacy issues: Sharing screenshots and photos could enable stalking and doxing. Last names and contact info are sometimes exposed.
• Defamation: False claims or identifying details shared without consent could lead to harassment or ruin reputations. Some men have threatened lawsuits.
• No oversight: With tens of thousands of members, mods struggle to address privacy breaches, hate speech or false info. Groups have become unruly.

Without safeguards, these groups risk harming innocent daters. Even well-intentioned members get caught up in the toxic negativity.

The Rules: How Groups Try to Self-Police

Most groups now have extensive rules to protect privacy and prevent abuse. Common rules include:

• No last names or contact information
• No nudity/revenge porn
• Blur/cover faces and identifying details in screenshots
• No hate speech or personal attacks
• Focus on dangerous behaviors, not venting about ghosting
• Share your own experiences, not rumors
• No identifying info about friends, exes, colleagues etc without their consent

Failure to follow the rules can result in bans. Still, even strict policies only help so much in groups with tens of thousands of members worldwide.

Are These Groups Legal? A Tricky Grey Area

The legality of AWDTSG groups remains contested:

• Defamation laws may protect against false claims. But posters are anonymous, and groups aren’t liable for user content.
• Privacy laws vary. But public photos or screenshots from dating profiles may be fair game. Still, sharing identifying details like numbers is illegal.
• Groups must respect platform rules. Facebook prohibits shaming private individuals. Repeat violations risk group deletion.
• Victims could potentially sue for harassment or stalking. But anonymous posters are hard to track down.

Ultimately, these groups occupy a grey area. While some behavior clearly crosses legal lines, regulation remains tricky. For now, groups rely on user-reporting and voluntary mods.

The Verdict: Proceed With Caution

AWDTSG groups can offer camaraderie and dating insights. But without oversight, they easily spiral into toxic territory.

If you join one:

• Take all posts with a grain of salt. Bitterness and misremembering happen.
• Focus on serious red flags, not venting about ordinary behavior.
• Never share identifying details without permission. Stick to your own experiences.
• Report rule violations to admins. Don't feed into gossip or negativity.
• Set boundaries and leave groups that become too toxic.

Ultimately, trust your own judgment when dating. If you need crowdsourced dirt on a new love interest, bigger issues exist. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, not anonymous posts.

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The Controversy Around "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Groups

Online dating comes loaded with horror stories - from ghosting and catfishing to downright dangerous encounters. In response, hundreds of thousands of women have joined private Facebook groups with names like "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" or "Are We Dating the Same Man?"

These largely female-only groups aim to expose bad dating behavior and offer a safe space to share experiences. But controversy surrounds their practices. Critics argue they often cross lines, enabling harassment and unsubstantiated rumors.

How "Are We Dating the Same Guy" Groups Operate

These groups have exploded on Facebook over the past few years. Most operate as closed groups, requiring admin approval to join. Membership ranges from just a few hundred women in smaller cities to over 40,000 in major metros.

In these groups, women submit posts about men they've dated from apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and more. A typical post might include screenshots of a dating profile, along with a first name and any known details. The poster then asks fellow members, "Have you dated this guy too? Any red flags or experiences to share?"

The goal is to "crowdsource" information about new romantic prospects, exposing players, cheaters, aggressors, and other toxic men. By posting about their dates, women hope to unmask men leading double lives or displaying dangerous behaviors.

Group members can reply to vouch for a guy, or spill the proverbial "tea" with their own horror stories. At best, these digital whisper networks help women protect each other from harm.

Why These Groups Prove So Controversial

But a lack of oversight means these groups often spiral into uglier territory:

Toxic culture: Petty complaints and excessive guy-bashing fester, rather than legitimate warnings about dangerous behaviors. Some members post about men simply not calling them back or wanting casual relationships. The overall culture tends to feed extreme bitterness and distrust towards men.

Privacy issues: Photos and screenshots shared without consent could enable stalking and harassment. Despite rules, men's identities are often exposed through details like workplaces. Sharing such personal information illegally is known as "doxxing."

Defamation suits: Given the anonymity, false claims could easily be fabricated by bitter exes and scorned dates. Several men have threatened defamation lawsuits over damaging posts. Without fact-checking, reputations get unjustly ruined.

No oversight: With tens of thousands of members worldwide, moderators struggle to consistently enforce rules or ban those who share identifying details. Hate speech and false information spread easily with no accountability.

While created from an understandable desire to protect women, these groups can devolve into toxic rumor mills that enable harassment of both men and women. Members with good intentions get caught up in the cycle. The potential for harm remains high with such large, anonymous groups.

If joining one of these groups, approach with care:

• Take all shared experiences with a massive grain of salt. Posts could be exaggerated, falsified or shared without proper context.
• Only focus on serious red flags - not venting about mundane behaviors like postponing dates.
• Never share real names, numbers, social handles or other identifying details without permission. That could constitute illegal doxxing.
• Report content violating privacy and civility rules consistently to admins. Don't feed into gossip, rumors or bashing.
• Set boundaries and leave groups that become excessively toxic or poorly moderated. Your mental health comes first.

Do your own individual vetting in dating. Seeking strength in numbers is natural, but true connection begins with trust, communication and your own intuition - not crowdsourced dirt. If you need anonymous groups to assess a new partner, larger issues exist.

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