Feeling Used for Sex? Here's What to Do 🚨

How to Know if You're Being Used for Sex and What to Do About It

In 2023, it's important that everyone understands what constitutes a healthy sexual relationship based onmutual consent, respect, and care for each other's wellbeing. Unfortunately, many people still find themselves feeling used by partners who view sex as purely physical and prioritize their own pleasure over ethical conduct. And it doesn't feel good. This article explores signs you may be being used for sex, how to cope with those feelings, and what to do going forward.

What Does It Mean to Be Used for Sex?

Being used for sex means that your partner is primarily interested in you for sexual gratification and does not value you as a whole person. They may pretend to care about you emotionally while subtly or overtly pressuring you into sex that focuses on their pleasure and disregards your feelings. This objectifying behavior ignores consent and leaves you feeling betrayed, dirty, or regretful afterwards. You deserve to be with someone who treats you as an equal and cherishes all aspects of a relationship.

Signs You May Be Being Used for Sex

While every situation is nuanced, here are some common signs that you may be being used sexually:

• Your partner frequently initiates sex when you’re tired, sick, or not in the mood. They don’t seem to care about your desires.
• You feel pressured into certain sexual acts you’re not comfortable with. They may try to guilt or coerce you by saying things like “if you really loved me...”
• They show interest primarily when sex is on the table and withdraw affection or attention afterwards.
• Your sex life feels very one-sided, focusing mostly on their pleasure and preferences.
• They refuse to commit to a relationship but want to keep sleeping with you.
• They hide your involvement from others in their life and only meet privately for hookups.
• They avoid emotional intimacy and deep conversation. Talks tend to lead back to flirting.
• You’re left feeling unsatisfied, used, or degraded after sex but they seem perfectly happy.
• They become cold, critical, or mean after getting what they want sexually.
• They feel entitled to sex whenever they want it without considering your consent or feelings.
• You’ve discovered they’ve lied about their motivations for sleeping with you.
• They coerce you through verbal manipulation, alcohol, flattery, or substances.

If several of these resonate, it may indicate you're being used for sex rather than valued as a human being. However, context matters, so reflect carefully. Talking to a therapist can also help provide an impartial perspective.

Why Feeling Used for Sex is So Painful

Being used sexually can inflict lasting emotional damage that’s important to acknowledge. Here’s why it hurts so much:

• It can make you feel objectified, worthless, and disposable. Like your body and dignity were violated.
• It’s a betrayal when someone pretends to care about you as a person but really just wants you for selfish gratification.
• It can create deep feelings of shame, dirtiness, and regret that linger.
• Your trust is broken when someone manipulates you into sex through false pretenses.
• It can decimate your self-confidence, especially if you already struggle with self-esteem.
• It reinforces harmful beliefs that your only value lies in servicing others sexually.
• The one-sided intimacy feels dehumanizing and leaves you feeling neglected.
• Being pressured into unwanted sex acts also constitutes sexual assault or rape in many cases.
• It can negatively impact your ability to form healthy relationships and trust future partners.

In short, we all deserve to be treated as whole people, not just objects for physical pleasure. Partners should make intimacy a mutually fulfilling and caring experience. If someone uses your body without regard for your humanity, it deepest wounds.

How to Cope If You Feel You're Being Used for Sex

Seeking support is crucial when processing feelings of being used sexually. Here are some healthy coping strategies:

• Talk to someone you trust - a friend, family member, counselor, or domestic violence advocate. Do not isolate yourself.
• Be kind to yourself and release any shame or self-blame. The other person’s actions say nothing about your worth.
• Reaffirm your boundaries and values. Do not compromise them to try to “earn” decent treatment.
• Let yourself feel anger and mourn the ideal relationship you deserved. Those emotions need processing.
• Consider seeking therapy to unpack lingering trauma and regain self-confidence.
• Immerse yourself in hobbies, work, exercise, and community. Don’t let this consume you.
• Read books and articles about assertiveness, self-esteem, consent, and healthy relationships.
• Unfollow or block them on social media. Remove anything that triggers memories and pain.
• Write about your experience. Explore your emotions through journaling or art.
• Lean on your support system for comfort, validation, and reminders of your worth.
• Avoid numbing your feelings with unhealthy habits like overeating, drugs, alcohol, or risky behaviors.
• Be very selective if dating again. Vet prospects thoroughly and set clear boundaries.
• Consider speaking up to prevent this person from using others. But only if safe to do so.
• Forgive yourself for any naivety and focus on learning signs earlier next time.

You did not deserve mistreatment, no matter what. Take time to grieve then rediscover your strength. Those who exploit others reveal their own damaged character - it's not a reflection on you. With self-care and recovery, you can regain a sense of control and closure.

Setting Boundaries to Prevent Being Sexually Used Again

Once ready, it’s wise to implement firmer boundaries moving forward to avoid repeat violations.

• Be blunt early on that you won’t tolerate being used for sex and expect respect.
• Pay close attention to any red flags like those mentioned earlier. Don’t make excuses.
• Refuse to engage sexually without a committed relationship and mutual feelings.
• Demand to be treated as an equal inside and outside the bedroom.
• Speak up assertively when you feel pressured, belittled, or used in any way.
• Require partners to get STI tested before intimacy and use protection.
• Trust your gut instinct if someone seems manipulative or untrustworthy.
• Don’t tolerate dishonesty. Expect transparency about their intentions.
• Value your pleasure, comfort, and boundaries. Don’t compromise them.
• Leave the first time someone truly hurts or coerces you. Don’t give second chances.
• Screen through in-depth talks first. Avoid secrecy or ambiguous “situationships.”
• Stay sober during early sexual encounters to keep clear boundaries.
• Reflect on any inner beliefs that made you vulnerable to users - work on self-esteem.
• Don’t starve yourself of affection. But be very selective who you open up to initially.
• Embrace your worth. You don’t need someone’s validation through sex.

Listen to your intuition and promptly cut contact with anyone who treating you as disposable. Value your dignity over trying to win someone’s affection through sex or sacrifice. Stick to your standards and know that ethical, caring partners worthy of your vulnerability do exist. You have a right to be cherished and respected.

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The Role of Communication in Preventing Feeling Used

Open, honest communication is key to ensuring both parties enter a sexual relationship with full, ethical consent. However, many fall into the trap of making assumptions instead. Some tips:

• Discuss whether you are both seeking a casual or serious relationship before getting intimate. If you misjudge intentions, feeling used often follows.
• Share your views on topics like sexual health, consent, intimacy, and relationship goals to reveal compatibility early.
• Don’t rely on hints about commitment. Bluntly discuss exclusivity and your status to prevent misunderstandings.
• Reiterate boundaries frequently. For instance, say, “I don’t want to have sex yet until we both feel ready.”
• If you feel pressured, say assertively, “I’m not comfortable doing that. Please don’t make me feel obligated.”
• Speak up about specific needs and dissatisfaction. Don’t expect partners to read your mind. Offer guidance.
• Listen without judgment to understand their perspective if they express different wants than you.
• If used previously, admit, "I've felt taken advantage of before. It would mean a lot to take things slowly to rebuild trust."
• Check in regularly even after sex. Say “I want us both to always feel cared for and respected."
• Watch for defensiveness or attempts to invalidate your feelings when raising concerns. Major red flag.
• Have an exit plan to leave safely if violations occur. Prioritize self-protection, always.

While awkward, direct talks about wants, needs, and boundaries prevent assumptions. If someone reacts dismissively or angrily, reconsider involvement with them. You deserve to feel emotionally and physically safe. Don’t gloss over discomfort or violations just to sustain a relationship. Speak up or walk away.

Healing Your Self-Worth After Feeling Used

Being treated as an object for someone else’s gain can violently rupture your sense of self-worth. Healing your ability to see your value takes time and practice. Strategies include:

• Identify any unhealthy beliefs you hold about existing to please or serve others. Work to challenge and replace them.
• Make a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with others’ validation. Keep it somewhere visible.
• Practice using empowering language. Say “I deserve” instead of “I want” or “I need.”
• Establish strong boundaries and stick to them, even if it means cutting off some relationships.
• Rediscover passions that make you feel confident through hobbies, classes, or career development.
• Consider therapy focused on building self-esteem and overcoming trauma.
• Meditate on what you have to offer the world beyond your body. Visualize your bright future.
• Surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth through how they treat you. Limit toxic company.
• Show yourself the same compassion, respect, and care you'd give loved ones. Become your own best friend.
• Keep a gratitude journal detailing all the wonderful things about you and your life. Add to it often.
• Challenge negative self-talk and treat yourself kindly. Don't tolerate cruel internal voices.
• Take care of your body through healthy eating, activities, rest, and medical care.
• Accomplish goals unrelated to others’ validation, praise, or attention. Get that promotion. Finish that marathon.
• Give back freely through volunteering, donations, or community work.
• Reflect on your core values. What matters to you? How do you want to live? Let your moral compass guide you.
• Consider counseling or support groups for survivors of abuse, trauma, or low self-worth. You are not alone.

Your worth precedes anyone’s opinion. You deserve fulfillment on your own terms. By taking good care of your whole self - mind, body, spirit - you can regain security within.

Date Yourself and Feel Empowered Without Blaming

After feeling used for sex, many recoil from dating and isolate themselves for protection. However, spending quality time alone can actually rebuild confidence. Take yourself out on dates!

• Get dressed up fancy, do your hair, and go to a nice restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Bring a book or journal.
• Go to a museum or gallery full of art styles you enjoy. Appreciate culture.
• Treat yourself to a concert, play, or comedy show. Immerse yourself in performances.
• Take yourself hiking, ziplining, horseback riding, or whatever adventurous activity excites you.
• Volunteer your time to a cause you care about and meet like-minded people.
• Take a class that enriches you - painting, massage, language, finance, coding, baking, etc.
• Book a trip somewhere inspiring. Explore new places solo.
• Have a spa day complete with massage, sauna, facial, and relaxing sounds.
• Cuddle your pet, get cozy on the couch, and binge your favorite shows guilt-free.
• Cook yourself a nourishing gourmet meal you savor. Pop open a great bottle of wine.

The point is to actively care for and delight yourself without needing another’s validation. Try new things. Reflect on goals. Cherish your own company. You’ll realize how fulfilling life can be on your own terms.

Being Vulnerable Without Being Used Again

With time, you may consider opening your heart again despite past pain. This takes caution, but worthwhile relationships are possible if you remain smart. Here are tips:

• Take things slowly. Don’t rush emotional/physical intimacy until trust builds.
• Keep communicating your expectations clearly. Don’t make assumptions.
• Observe how they respond when you’re sick, need support, or say “no” to sex.
• Pay attention to any misaligned words and actions. Believe behaviors.
• Listen to your close friends’ and family’s impressions of this new person.
• Don’t ignore red flags just because you feel chemistry. Require respect.
• Don’t hand over your power by accommodating mistreatment, dishonesty, or passive aggression to “win” their affection.
• Request to meet important people in their life. Avoid secrecy.
• If your needs aren’t being met, speak up. Watch if they try to understand or become defensive.
• Stay sober during sex until trust builds. Keep wits about you.
• Make sure you see this person in varied environments, not just hookup scenarios.
• Define the relationship so there’s no ambiguity. Don’t make excuses for avoidant behavior.
• Pay attention to your intuition. Don’t rationalize away concerns that arise.
• Work on self-esteem. Feel worthy of someone who cherishes all of you.
• Stay alert for any attempts to isolate, guilt, or control you. Those are unhealthy signs.
• If pressured, firmly reiterate your boundaries and expectations of mutual care.
• Walk away at the earliest sign of betrayal or exploitation before attachment deepens.
• Avoid giving much emotionally/physically until they’ve demonstratively earned it over time through respect.
• Require that a committed relationship is established and exclusivity agreed upon before sex.

Stay true to yourself and don’t compromise your boundaries or wellbeing. But also allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised if you meet someone who restores your faith in ethical partnerships. You deserve that joy when the time is right.

In summary, being used for sex can do real emotional damage when someone exploits your body without regard for your humanity. But by honoring your worth, coping healthfully, setting boundaries, and requiring respect from a partner, you can heal and eventually find someone who cherishes all you have to offer. Don’t accept manipulation or settle for less than you deserve.