How Many Dates Before Sex? 💏 Guides on Timeline and Intimacy When Dating

One of the most common questions when starting a new relationship is "How many dates before sex?". This can be a tricky issue as there are many different opinions on the right timeline for intimacy. Some people are ready to jump in bed immediately, while others want to take things slow. So how long should you really wait? Here's a deep dive into the average timelines, factors to consider, and expert opinions on setting intimacy expectations when dating someone new.

How Many Dates is Average Before Sex?

There's no one universal standard for how many dates to go on before having sex. A few surveys found people tend to have sex somewhere between the 1st and 3rd date, with the average being about 8 dates in total before having sex.

How Many Dates You Should Go On Before Sex

Dating experts tend to recommend going on at least 2-3 dates with someone before having sex. This gives you time to:

• Assess your chemistry and compatibility
• Discuss expectations around relationships and sex
• Begin establishing an emotional connection and trust
• Screen for any red flags or players just looking for hookups

That said, every situation is unique. You may feel ready sooner if you already knew them well as friends first. Or you may want to wait longer if you only meet once a week and want more time to get to know each other in various settings first. Listen to your gut instinct on timing.

Factors That Influence Timelines for Sex

There are many variables that affect timelines for getting intimate, such as:

1. Your Intentions

If you're just interested in something casual, you may be ready for sex sooner. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you may want to wait longer to develop a connection first. Those seeking long-term commitment tend to wait an average of 2-3 more dates than those open to casual sex.

2. Your Age

Younger generations have been shown to have sex sooner in relationships. For example, a study found Gen Z tends to have sex around the 2nd or 3rd date, while Gen X waits until the 5th or 6th. Older adults may feel less urgency and want longer to assess compatibility.

3. Gender Dynamics

Stereotypical gender roles can pressure men to push for early sex and women to delay intimacy. However, these norms are far from universal. Both genders should move at the pace they feel comfortable.

4. Personal Values

Your beliefs around sex itself play a part. If you view sex as something highly intimate, you likely want to wait for commitment. If you see it as a natural act of mutual pleasure, you may dive in sooner. There's no right or wrong as long as you communicate with partners.

5. Relationship Stage

The trajectory of your specific relationship can change timelines. If you've known each other for months before dating, you may progress faster physically as you have established trust and bond. If you just met, more time getting to know each other may be needed.

6. Physical Chemistry

Strong mutual attraction and making out on the first date may accelerate desires for sex. Taking things slow at first physically can delay sex. There's no universal timeline, just pay attention to the specific connection.

7. Past Experiences

For some, previous relationships with early sex that ended badly lead them to wait longer next time. Others who took it slow to no avail may decide to be physical sooner. Let your own experiences guide you.

The Third Date Rule

You may have heard of the "third date rule" which claims that sex should happen after three dates. Some relationship experts dispute this arbitrary deadline, while others see benefits to waiting until at least the 3rd date. Potential advantages of the 3 date guideline include:

• Building anticipation and sexual tension
• Developing emotional connection before intimacy
• Assessing mutual interest and values around sex
• Screening out those only interested in hookups
• Creating boundaries and safety when dating new people

However, this rule is not one size fits all. The key is not the specific number of dates but rather taking it at a pace where you personally feel comfortable.

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Deciding When You're Ready for Sex

Rather than follow a set timeline, focus on tuning into your own feelings and having open conversations with your partner to decide when the time is right for sex. Here are some signs you may be ready:

• You feel a strong level of comfort, trust and emotional intimacy with them.
• You've had discussions to confirm you both want a sexual relationship.
• There's clear mutual physical and emotional chemistry.
• You've taken safety precautions like STI testing and birth control.
• You feel safe setting and enforcing clear boundaries.
• Having sex aligns with your personal values and relationship goals.

Equally important are signs you may not be ready yet:

• You feel pressured or rushed by your partner.
• You have doubts or anxiety about taking things to a sexual level.
• You still don't know them well enough to feel vulnerable sharing intimacy.
• You're unsure if you're exclusive or where the relationship is headed.
• You worry having sex too soon may jeopardize a future relationship.
• You have reservations around protection or sexual health.

Tune into these emotional cues to find the optimal timing for you.

How Long Should You Wait to Have Sex with Someone New?

While the average person has sex between dates 1-3, that timeline doesn't work for everyone. Many relationship experts suggest waiting until at least date 5-6 before getting intimate, especially if you hope for a long-term relationship. Some potential benefits of waiting to have sex include:

• Allowing anticipation and chemistry to build further
• Giving you more time to screen for compatibility and red flags before attachment forms through sex
• Confirming your potential partner is invested in you personally, not just sexually
• Developing emotional intimacy and trust as a foundation before physical intimacy
• Assessing whether your values and relationship goals align
• Feeling confident you're making clear-headed decisions, not caught up in passions of the moment

Again, go at the pace you feel most comfortable. But if you pause to wait longer than the first couple dates, it can sometimes give more clarity.

The Impact of Sex and Dating

Having sex can often significantly shift the dynamic of a dating relationship. Some possible effects to be aware of include:

• Forming an emotional bond - Sexual intimacy releases hormones that fuel feelings of attachment. This can make you feel much closer to someone before you truly know them well.
• Desire for exclusivity - Even without defined relationship status, sex can stoke a sense of possessiveness and jealousy. Be clear on what you both want.
• Expectations around contact -Frequent messaging often amps up after intimacy. Make sure you communicate your own needs.
• Judging compatibility too soon - Great sex can convince you of chemistry that may not exist outside the bedroom. Take time assessing your full connection first.
• Feeling hurt by change in treatment - If someone you had sex with suddenly seems distant, it can feel like whiplash. Keep checking in on mutual page.
• Risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) - Unprotected sex with someone new opens you up to potential transmission of STIs. Always practice safe sex.
• Unplanned pregnancy - Barrier methods like condoms help protect against unintended pregnancy if birth control falls short or is not used. Don't rely on partners for protection.
• Double standards around sex - Women unfairly tend to be judged more harshly than men for having sex soon. Do what feels right for you regardless of gender.

Should You Have Sex on The First Date?

Having sex on the very first date you have with someone new is a controversial issue. Some potential pros of first date sex are:

• It can allow you to test intense initial chemistry and passion.
• You avoid wasting time on subsequent dates if sexual compatibility is lacking.
• It's enjoyable to let loose with someone new and just see where things go in the moment.

However, there are also cons to consider:

• It provides limited time to assess someone's true intentions, values and personality.
• Getting intimate too quickly can obscure red flags and rational judgement of a partner.
• If you're seeking an emotional connection, sex right away may derail that.
• You miss out on building sexual tension and anticipation slowly over time.
• There are risks like STIs, pregnancy, and safety with someone you just met.

There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to first date sex. Just reflect carefully beforehand on your motivations, intentions, and the potential risks vs rewards.

When to Stop Having Sex with Someone You're Dating

As a new dating situation progresses, you may find yourself reassessing the sexual aspect of the relationship. Some signs it may be time to pump the brakes on sex include:

• Your partner is pressuring you to engage in sexual activity you're uncomfortable with.
• Having sex too early on is interfering with getting to know each other in other ways.
• You often feel regret or shame after being intimate together.
• You worry your partner is dating other people and not sexually exclusive.
• Your sex life feels routine versus mutually passionate and fulfilling.
• You crave more emotional intimacy outside the bedroom.
• Ongoing mismatched libidos leave one or both partners unsatisfied.
• You have concerns about STI risks due to dishonesty or lack of protection.

If you're feeling apprehensive about the sexual component, have an open discussion with your partner about taking a temporary pause, introducing boundaries, or waiting until greater trust develops.

Setting Sexual Boundaries when Dating

Setting clear boundaries around sex while dating someone new promotes safety, self-respect, and mutual comfort. Some tips include:

• Discuss monogamy expectations and STI testing if sex is on the table. Don't make assumptions.
• Share any past traumatic experiences related to forced, coerced, or intoxicated sex.
• State upfront if certain acts are off the table for you. Listen to their boundaries as well.
• Give vocal consent before progressing to higher levels of sexual intimacy. Check in frequently.
• Assert your needs firmly and leave if a partner attempts to coerce or ignore your boundaries.
• Keep condoms handy and don't rely on partners, especially new ones, for protection.
• Reflect deeply beforehand on your personal values around sex so you act in alignment.
• Recognize that no one owes a sexual relationship or activities they don't enthusiastically consent to.

Reinforcing mutual respect of sexual boundaries lays a healthy foundation for intimacy.

Expert Opinions on Navigating Sex When Dating

Dating and relationship professionals have some key suggestions on building intimacy with a new partner while prioritizing your comfort and values:

"Take time building a foundation first. Don't let great chemistry derail evaluating the full relationship." - Dr. Wyatt Fisher, couples counselor

"Don't have sex with someone you wouldn't want to have a child with." - Greg Behrendt, comedian & author

"Let natural desire set the pace, not arbitrary rules. But don't ignore red flags in the heat of passion." - Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert

"Communicate your needs and relationship views. Having sex won't lead to commitment if you're on different pages." - Bela Gandhi, dating expert

"If someone pressures you or ignores consent, end it immediately. Your safety comes first." - Dr. Carmen Harra, psychologist

"It's always ok to pump the brakes and set new boundaries as you evaluate compatibility." - Dr. Sue Varma, psychiatrist

"Don't compromise your morals or tolerances. Your comfort with sexual pace is more important than trends." - Yue Xu, dating coach

"Never use sex as a bargaining chip or let a partner coerce you. Focus on mutual fulfillment." - Dr. Venus Nicolino, relationship doctor

The Bottom Line

There is no magic number of dates that is right for everyone when it comes to getting intimate. Factors like your age, beliefs, intentions, chemistry, and the nature of your specific relationship all play a role. Ultimately, it comes down to doing what feels comfortable and mutually fulfilling for you and your partner. By setting and communicating clear boundaries, you can find an intimacy timeline that works best.