Temper Your Expectations 📉 Finding Life And Dating Balance

Having high expectations can lead to disappointment when they are not met. Learning to temper your expectations can help improve your relationships and overall wellbeing. Here are some tips on keeping expectations realistic.

What Does It Mean to Temper Expectations?

Tempering expectations means adjusting your standards and beliefs to align better with reality to get realistic outcome. It's about finding a middle ground between being overly idealistic and defeatist.

For example, at the start of a new relationship you may expect everything to be perfect. But realistically, all couples face challenges and need to work through differences. Tempering the expectation of constant happiness creates space for working through conflicts and relieves you of control things you can't control.

The Benefits of Tempered Expectations

When you temper expectations, you reduce unnecessary stress and anxiety in your life. With realistic standards, you won't constantly feel frustrated or disappointed. It also prevents you from placing unfair pressure on partners, friends, family members or yourself.

Additionally, tempered expectations allow room for positive surprises. When we expect the worst, anything better feels like a gift. But when we expect only the best, we set ourselves up for letdowns.

How to Temper Your Standards

First, reflect on your underlying beliefs and standards behind the expectation. Ask yourself where they originate and if they are reasonable.

Next, look for patterns around when expectations are not met. See if there are certain situations, times or people associated with frequent expectations not being fulfilled.

Then, intentionally adjust the bar to a more moderate level before going into those situations. For example, if you expect to never argue with your partner, reset to accepting that disagreements happen but can be worked through.

It also helps to share your process with supportive friends and family. They can provide perspective and encourage more realistic standards.

Tempering Expectations in Relationships

Romantic relationships often involve high expectations around satisfaction, intimacy and communication. But holding your partner to impossibly high standards damages trust and connection.

Instead, aim for expectations that allow room for each individual to show up genuinely, make mistakes and continue growing. Base standards on the realistic components of healthy relationships, not fantasies.

Tempering Expectations Around Life Transitions

Major life changes like having kids, changing careers or aging come loaded with societal assumptions. Temper expectations by reflecting on what matters most to you in this transition. Let go of unnecessary “shoulds” and prevent much heartache.

For example, an empty nester might release assumptions about constant family closeness after kids move out and focus more on meaningful one-on-one time.

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The Takeaway

Rigid expectations serve little purpose outside of leading to disappointment, anxiety and stagnation. But tempered expectations create space for all parties to thrive. The key is realizing perfection does not exist - and we are all perfectly imperfect humans doing our best.