Stop Being Too Nice to Girls 🙅‍♂️ Guide for "Nice Guys"

Being too nice to girls is one of the biggest dating mistakes men make. Most guys grow up being told by their mothers to treat women nicely and respectfully. This gets drilled into our brains from a young age - be polite, courteous, offer help and support, don't be mean.

Stop Being Too Nice to Girls - Here's How to Attract Women By Being More Assertive

The problem is, this backfires completely when it comes to attracting and dating women. While no girl wants to be with a jerk, being too nice is just as harmful for creating sexual attraction. So how do you stop being too nice to girls without becoming a bad guy?

Why Being Too Nice Turns Women Off

There's a difference between being a genuinely good guy, and being overly accommodating and eager to please. Most women don't want a 'yes man' who doesn't have his own views and boundaries. Sure, they might enjoy the attention at first, but it soon gets boring.

Here's why being too nice fails to create attraction:

• It shows a lack of self-confidence and assertiveness. Women are drawn to strength and decisiveness.
• It suggests you're trying to 'buy' her approval and interest through favors. This comes across as needy instead of self-assured.
• It indicates you don't value your own wants and needs. Women respect a guy who can put himself first.
• It kills mystery and challenge. Predictable nice guys are simply not exciting.
• It prevents emotional connection. When you're always agreeable, how can she get to know the real you?
• It implies you're hiding your true intentions. Genuine niceness doesn't require validation.

So clearly, being overly nice results in the opposite effect of what you want. Even if you have the best intentions, it screams 'I'm desperate for your approval!'

How to Stop Being a Nice Guy

The solution isn't to turn into a jerk. It's about finding the right balance between kindness and confidence. Here are some tips:

1. Develop Genuine Self-Confidence

Work on your self-confidence so you don't rely on others for validation. Pursue goals, take up challenges and find fulfillment outside of dating. With genuine self-esteem, you won't need to people-please.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Don't be a pushover. It's okay to say no if a request makes you uncomfortable. You can be polite yet firm. Make your boundaries known instead of feeling guilty.

3. Speak Your Mind

Don't always agree just to avoid conflict. Women want to see you have a strong identity. Express your views, preferences and values. She'll appreciate your authenticity.

4. Limit Favors

Helping others is great, but don't go overboard for a girl you just met. Keep favors reasonable and only offer if you really want to. Don't use 'nice' gestures as a means to gain approval.

5. Tease Playfully

Have a playful, challenging vibe by teasing her now and then. As long as it's friendly, this builds attraction. Go back and forth instead of constantly showering her with praise.

6. Focus on Your Needs Also

Put yourself first sometimes rather than always prioritizing her wants. For example, if you've got plans with friends, don't cancel them for a date. Be considerate but don't drop everything.

7. Don't Try to 'Buy' Affection

Lavish gifts and constant compliments come across as desperate. Express interest more naturally. Compliment her when it's genuine, not simply to impress her. Let affection develop mutually.

8. Disagree When Needed

Don't just instantly agree with all her opinions. Challenge her views playfully. Show you're not a pushover. Express when you genuinely disagree on something.

9. Flirt and Escalate

Nice guys often avoid flirting, touching and escalation. But this builds sexual tension. Give subtle compliments, break the touch barrier, use innuendo. Make your intentions clear.

10. Focus on Compatibility

Don't try to morph into her perfect man. Present your authentic self. If she doesn't appreciate that, you're simply incompatible - and that's fine. Find a girl who likes you for you.

The Difference Between 'Nice Guys' and Genuinely Nice Men

There's a distinction between being genuinely nice, and being a stereotypical 'nice guy' who expects rewards for his behavior.

Genuinely nice guys have strong self-esteem. They don't seek approval because their sense of worth comes from within. They help others out of authentic care, not as a means to an end. And they know when to set boundaries.

'Nice guys' have underlying feels of inadequacy. They seek external validation through favors because they think it will prove their worth. They suppress their true needs and feelings. And they hide their sexual attraction, hoping niceness will eventually become romantic interest.

Beware of beliefs like "I'm doing everything right, why doesn't she like me?" This entitlement is unattractive. Change your focus to simply becoming an attractive, well-rounded man. Be kind because you want to, not with some agenda.

Signs You're Too Nice to Women

How do you know if you've crossed the line from being a genuinely good guy into a overly 'nice guy' territory? Here are some common signs:

• You constantly compliment her and seek her approval
• You always pay for dates and buy gifts even if you can't afford it
• You agree with everything she says and hide your true opinions
• You cancel plans with friends to see her instead
• You avoid expressing your interest and discussing sexual topics
• You never disagree with her out of fear of conflict
• You readily sacrifice your needs and wants to accommodate hers
• You over-invest emotionally in a woman you just met
• You feel resentful and hurt when she doesn't appreciate your gestures
• You have poor boundaries and let people take advantage
• Your self-worth depends heavily on female approval

If you recognize several of these, it may be time to re-assess your approach to avoid becoming that overly-eager nice guy.

Why “Nice Guys Finish Last” Is True

You’ve probably heard the saying “nice guys finish last.” Many men angrily claim it’s false, but the truth is - in dating and attracting women - it often rings true.

Here’s why:

• They put women on a pedestal instead of treating them as equals. This excessive adoration is actually objectifying.
• They seek approval through favors rather than cultivating mutual attraction.
• They bore women by being totally agreeable and predictable.
• They convey neediness and over-investment through too many compliments.
• They hide their sexual interest rather than confidently expressing it.
• They allow poor treatment from entitlement to female affection.
• They lack boundaries and let women walk all over them.
• They suppress their masculinity and competitiveness.

As you can see, all these behaviors convey unattractive traits - lack of confidence, neediness, dishonesty, desperation. So while being kind is great, being overly nice backfires for creating attraction.

You can still be a good guy women want without finishing last. You just need the right balance of assertiveness, self-esteem and authenticity.

Examples of Setting Boundaries

To stop being a pushover, you need to set clear boundaries. Here are some examples:

1. Addressing Insults: When someone, including a woman, directs insults or disrespectful comments towards you, it's essential to assert your self-respect. Instead of just brushing it off or laughing along, calmly but assertively communicate that such behavior is unacceptable. You can say something like, "I value respectful communication, and I don't appreciate being insulted."
   
2. Splitting Costs: In any relationship, financial fairness is crucial. If someone expects you to bear the financial burden consistently, have an open conversation about it. Express your willingness to share expenses and ensure that financial responsibilities are balanced. For instance, you might say, "I believe in sharing the costs, so let's split things evenly."
   
3. Saying No to Demanding Favors: It's important to set limits on what you're willing and able to do for someone. If they request favors that demand a significant amount of your time, money, or resources, don't hesitate to decline politely if it's beyond your capacity. You can explain, "I wish I could help, but I can't commit to this right now."
   
4. Handling Jealousy: When someone tries to provoke jealousy as a means of manipulation, it's best not to engage in emotional turmoil immediately. Instead, remove yourself from the situation and address it later when emotions have cooled down. You might say, "I noticed you were trying to make me jealous earlier, and I'd like to discuss it calmly when we're both in the right frame of mind."
   
5. Maintaining Friendships: If someone pressures you to cut off ties with your female friends, stand firm in asserting your right to maintain your friendships. Explain that you value your friendships and won't sever them because of their demands. You can say, "I believe in maintaining my friendships, and I won't cut off contact with my friends."
   
6. Respecting Your Time: Time is a valuable resource, and it's important that others respect it. If someone consistently disrespects your time by being chronically late or not showing up as agreed, stop waiting around. Communicate your expectations clearly, saying something.
   

The key is being polite but firm. Don’t reward bad behavior. Communicate your boundaries clearly. You’ll gain more respect this way.

How To Stop Being “Too Nice” Summary

Here are the key takeaways:

• Don’t seek approval through favors and gifts. This comes across as needy.
• Develop self-esteem and confidence in yourself independent of others’ validation.
• Set clear boundaries rather than being endlessly agreeable. Learn to say no.
• Express your authentic views and opinions. Don’t hide them to avoid conflict.
• Limit overly nice gestures. Help when you genuinely want to, not with an agenda.
• Occasionally put your needs first instead of overly prioritizing her wants.
• Don’t be afraid to disagree and constructively challenge her at times.
• Don’t try to become her “dream guy.” Present your real self.
• Don't suppress your masculinity - be confident and assertive when needed.
• Flirt with intent. Make your sexual/romantic interest known.

Mastering this balance of kindness and confidence is key. You'll gain more respect and attraction this way.

Conclusion

You don't have to become an asshole or a bad boy to attract women. But you do need self-esteem, boundaries and authenticity.

Prioritize personal development. Build passions and purpose. Express your needs and views. Have an abundance, outcomes-independent mindset. Develop natural confidence. These traits create attraction while still being a kind-hearted man.

It's okay to say no or disagree at times. Don't seek approval through 'nice' acts. Focus on compatibility over morphing into her dream guy. Present your real, genuine self.

Master the right balance between masculinity and caring. You can be assertive yet compassionate. With this mindset, you'll stop being 'too nice', and start creating real attraction.

Discover events in the city and meet people to share them!

Invme.com is a free city social network app to discover and share what is happening here and now in your city. Share, discover and connect: invme.com offers both locals and tourists the way to share events in the city in an easier way.