"If They Wanted To They Would" - Relationship Advice Decoded ❤️

What Does It Mean When Someone Says “If They Wanted To They Would”?

The phrase “if they wanted to they would” has become a popular relationship mantra, especially on TikTok where videos about it have gone viral. But what exactly does this phrase mean and is it always true?

At its core, “if they wanted to they would” means that if someone genuinely wants to do something, they will make it happen regardless of obstacles or excuses. When applied to relationships, it implies that if someone truly cares about you and wants to be with you, they will make the effort to interact, communicate, and spend time with you.

So when someone frequently makes excuses or doesn't follow through on plans, the assumption is that they simply don't want to badly enough. As TikTok user @kylieemorgan explained in a video that popularized this phrase: "If the person wanted to text you, they would. If they wanted to call you, they would...People make time for who they want to make time for."

Is It Really True That “If They Wanted To They Would”?

While neat and tidy in theory, the reality is relationships are complex. Circumstances, timing, emotional issues, and misunderstandings can all affect someone's ability to pursue a relationship, even if interest exists. As they say, the path of true love never did run smooth.

So while "if they wanted to they would" might sometimes accurately reflect disinterest, it's an oversimplification. Here are some important caveats:

• Life happens. Even caring people get busy, stressed, or distracted and unintentionally neglect relationships at times.
• Early on, some people may feel hesitant about showing too much enthusiasm out of fear of vulnerability or coming on too strong.
• Past hurt can make someone guarded about opening up again, causing them to hold back involuntarily.
• Mental health struggles like depression or anxiety sometimes sap people's motivation and energy for maintaining contact.
• Nerves and uncertainty about the stage of a relationship may inhibit initiating conversations or making plans.
• Communication styles simply vary. Some people naturally take more initiative, while others are shy or passive.
• Cultural norms influence actions. Expressions of interest differ greatly between cultures.

So while a pattern of excuses or lack of follow-through can signal disinterest, occasionally life does get in the way. It takes time and communication to truly understand motivations.

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Do Men Want to Feel Wanted or Needed in Relationships?

Societal expectations often portray men as initiators who should pursue women to prove interest. For this reason, the phrase "if he wanted to he would" particularly frustrates some men who feel it discounts their emotional needs.

Many men do appreciate and enjoy feeling wanted and pursued in relationships. They like to feel attractive and cared about too. However, various factors can inhibit men from always initiating contact first, even when interest exists.

Cultural norms, fear of rejection, uncertainty about your feelings, or trying not to appear overly eager can all hold men back from constantly driving the relationship.

Like anyone, men want to feel wanted in a balanced relationship but may still have difficulty always being the proactive one for a variety of reasons. Keeping this in mind helps create realistic expectations.

Relationship advice: How to Know if Someone Truly Wants You

While the black and white thinking of "if they wanted to they would" has some truth, use these tips to gain a more nuanced perspective:

• Wait and observe patterns. An isolated missed text or cancelled date could just be bad luck. But repeated disinterest indicates priorities lie elsewhere.
• Openly communicate. Don't play games or guess motives. Ask how they feel about you and the relationship status.
• Consider their actions as a whole. Do they make time where it counts most, like during crisis or important events?
• Know it's not personal. People get busy or stressed and unintentionally neglect those they care about, including partners.
• Give the benefit of the doubt initially. Assume positive intent rather than jumping to conclusions.
• Pay attention to their communication style. Some people naturally take more initiative, while others are not.
• Look for enthusiasm and reciprocity. Is there a mutual give and take in emotional investment and effort?

While "if they wanted to they would" is an oversimplification, a pattern of excuses, lack of initiative, or half-hearted interest typically reveals where you stand in someone's priorities. But allowing room for imperfect human behavior helps balance this perspective.

Examining Common Relationship Situations

Let's explore some common dating and relationship scenarios to illustrate the nuances around this phrase:

Situation: You’ve been dating someone exclusively for months, but he still hasn’t introduced you to his friends.

Application: This could indicate lingering commitment issues or concerns about the relationship. Have an honest talk about taking things to the next level and meeting each other’s important people.

Situation: A guy you casually dated for a few weeks stops calling and texting suddenly.

Application: Unfortunately, this behavior often signals waning interest. Don’t take it personally, but do mourn the loss, distract yourself with friends, and get back out there when ready.

Situation: You’ve been dating someone for 6 months. He cares about you but often doesn’t follow through on weekend plans, citing work stress.

Application: Making time for a partner should be a priority after this long. Assess whether work stress is a valid impediment or merely an excuse for lack of enthusiasm about the relationship.

Does This Phrase Set Unrealistic Expectations?

Some relationship experts caution that “if they wanted to they would” promotes unrealistic expectations, especially for men. Suggesting people have total control over making time for relationships ignores real constraints like:

• Demanding jobs, especially those with long or inflexible hours
• Family obligations such as child or elder care
• Mental health challenges that affect motivation and energy
• Physical or geographical limitations to meeting up
• Financial barriers that restrict date options
• Inexperience navigating relationships

No one behaves perfectly at all times. While clear patterns of disinterest are illuminating, have compassion for legitimate external factors that can unintentionally inhibit relationship effort temporarily.

Cultivating Mutual Interest and Investment

Rather than rigid expectations, cultivate mutual care through:

• Regular check-ins on the relationship status and priorities
• Making quality time together, even if you must be creative given schedules
• Understanding each other’s needs and communication styles
• Reciprocating initiation and planning
• Sharing meaningful emotional experiences
• Encouraging each other’s personal growth and goals
• Making physical affection and intimacy a priority
• Listening without judgement when sharing vulnerabilities
• Being willing to discuss and work through conflict

In Closing

The core truth in “if they wanted to they would” is that reciprocal interest and effort are crucial in relationships. But people show interest and care in different ways, and life often interrupts good intentions. With open communication, empathy, and observing patterns, you can better gauge motivations and determine whether excuses reflect disinterest or are simply life happening.

Rather than rigid expectations, give things time to develop. Mutual interest makes itself known through consistent enthusiasm and investing in each other when it really counts. Meet your partner where they are, while asking for what you need.

The Role of Self-Worth in Interpreting Someone’s Interest

Ultimately, the phrase “if they wanted to they would” reveals a lot about our own self-worth and esteem. If someone’s interest feels ambiguous, it can leave you questioning your value. But remember:

• It's not about you. Their actions likely reflect their own issues.
• Focus on those who clearly make you a priority, not those who don't.
• Never beg for basic decency, care or communication from a romantic partner.
• You deserve someone who enthusiastically wants you in their life. Don't settle for less.

When you know your worth, you won’t waste time or energy chasing inconsistent people. Their actions make evident if you’re an option versus a priority. Free yourself to find fulfillment with someone who cherishes you.

As TikTok user @kylieemorgan summed up about this popular phrase: “Here’s the last thing I want to say on this: ‘If they wanted to, they would’ doesn’t mean they don’t care about you as a human being. It doesn’t mean they dislike you...It means at the end of the day, they are not willing to invest their time and energy into pursuing you or being in a serious relationship with you.”

This mindset shift empowers you to walk away with dignity intact when patterns clearly communicate disinterest. You deserve reciprocal care, not breadcrumbing affection. Remember your worth always.